Old Poetry: Win Some, Lose Everything

Found this old poem of mine while clearing out my songwriting notebooks the other day. Sometimes I forget how much darker the old content used to be, this particular piece was based on a nightmare of mine which later got published in a magazine when I was sixteen or so. I don't believe I've mentioned here that I write poetry, predominantly I write that for myself and it is the remnants of songs that have no melody. Sometimes my poems are made to be songs and other times my songs are supposed to be poems. There are some good lines in here however someday I might rewrite this with a new ending, as beautifully tragic as it is, I think younger Alex could have used that nightmare to have an ending the person is okay.

Content warning: mention of self-harm, death/suicide attempt

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27/04/2016

Win Some, Lose Everything

Loud voices, a single scream of anger and pain into the howling wind, a slamming door.

Eyes flashing, icy needles jab into skin trying to make you feel anything but hate.

It bubbles and boils, a dark black cocktail of broken promises and lies.

The feeling of the knife in your hands, solid and cool;

So willing to slice away emotion with pain you no longer feel.

The bittersweet smile you faked for so long crosses your face once more.

So tired of holding it together when you’re broken inside but what else could you do?

You’re beyond help, logic so twisted,

The only way to stop this feeling is to stop you.

Your footfalls steady, pounding like your heart.

Daylight doesn’t help you,

The vampires in the real world don’t burn from it, they just bite back harder when no one is around sucking away your soul and leaving you numb.

Onto the tracks, a bright light is coming.

The knife leaves your hand cutting your palm as it falls.

I run, you hear me and turn to me one last time.

You smile at me then the light swallows you whole as the silver serpent squeals to a halt too late.

You’re gone.