Week 3: C for Constructive Criticism (plus bonus poem linked)

I stagnated on C this week, struggling to find a topic to fit word count after B's Big Burnout all I wanted was to take it easy. The topic changed twice prior to settling on the final version for the card and I was an hour late to the new deadline for reasons out of my control. I did the planning in advance, took the photos for the three topics I was tossing between on Tuesday so I wouldn't need to worry (outside of one idea), made the steps to write way less than usual by using a smaller paint card.

I've noticed within myself at least, there usually is a map of conclusion jumping I had to make before I'll think about this project not being worth it or that horrid imposter syndrome that can creep in with art sometimes, usually it's overwhelm from other things in life and exhaustion leaving me feel like the alphabet is a mountain I may not see the top of. I will reach the end, I have the will power to do this and tools in place to help like free-writing. It's where you write out absolutely EVERYTHING that comes into your head regardless of what it is for the next 5mins on a timer or until you feel your head empty again can be helpful since it clears away the clutter in the brain. I then walked away, got food and read it back to see why I was worried. It's a strange experience seeing all the concerns on paper, it can make it simpler to see where exactly the block is though and where the loop circles back BEFORE you go to the self attacking point. It's great for picking apart the pieces of what ideas are already lingering in the back of your mind you can't hear because of the negative thought spiral too and helps you shift into a waterspout of creativity I find. You can also use a voice memo if you like though I find the tone of my voice distracting to separate myself from, I like pretending that I'm reading messages from a friend. Feel free to steal the exercise if you like sometime to try, I'll post a lot of these along the way in the blog posts.

I was getting stuck until the day before my deadline. I sat down realising I was critiquing myself and dumped a lot of words on a page about that and wrote two very short poems on different topics from that free-writing spiral. I usually start each poem of mine at around 500-600 words then cut down, with the two I wrote then all I needed to do was substitute out better words. There is actually a second C week poem (not on a paint card) and I have published it. That second piece is about lizards, Karma Chameleons specifically and their Communication. Couldn't figure out how to access scales or locations for lizards where I live as the poem I would have loved to make a paint card poem for features them so went with the option I was less fond of and am still proud of.

I love how this card and life on that day didn't turn out as expected: yet with a little humour and thoughts from friends, critiquing what I made actively as I cut up my own words, it created an unusual contrasting work. My support worker picked the card colour which is called Albury and one of my best friends ended up making the suggestion for having the blue piece of cardstock off to the side with the word 'CUT' to emphasise separation which I adored.

I approached this week's card from a new perspective for me: 'sometimes perfect simply is done and posted so you can improve more on the next one'.

Got it done, and we're growing through the hiccups, got to make the error to know how to improve. I'm learning to let go of the perfectionism told I needed my entire life. I'm starting to see myself differently. That is what this project is all about, growth for myself and for all of you too who are watching and interacting with the medium creating meaning from it all. Until next week my dears, stay safe and make time to listen to least one of your favourite songs on your lunch breaks. <3

Photo credit: Alex Adorno