Long Live The Fool! Poem from Lowercase Poetry Night at Medusa Bar Geelong (Theme: Metamorphosis)

Photo Credit: My mother

This poem is a sequel of sorts to the first poem I read at Medusa Bar around a month ago, called Growing into Myself and is the longest poem I have written. Each paragraph for the most part works as a micro-poem, greatly enhanced by the greater whole of the narratives ebb and flow.

This makes it easier to pick up and put down as needed to find your place in again.

One part inspired by the linguistic origins of the word foolish and the interpretations of joyfulness rather than naïve, thinking 'why is it we vilify joy often where I'm from?'.

The main body was inspired by something a mentor of mine said about my hiding behind the observer even in pieces that were supposed to be memoirs, often refraining from using the word 'I' and putting others first to my detriment within my writing. I asked myself as always, 'why? Have there been times I haven't done that? What would the reason be for hiding and am I really?'. I took to my commonplace books, a collection of wisdoms, learnings about myself, the world and even advice from helpful strangers to find my north, to relocate myself.

There was an oscillation between the bright, bold and playful variation of myself wanting to show themselves in earnest and the conditioning for rules I had been taught to fear myself through. In the past, I wanted to disappear and become anonymous because to slip away unnoticed meant safety and peace. I wanted that slow life I could be the hermit completely undisturbed for a time which went at odds with my desire to connect and shine as my true self.

This went on to me considering myself as the Fool perhaps from the start, wanting to play 'too loud', 'too much' slowly reduced over time with outbursts of 'Foolishness' creeping back out. I mapped my way through the tarot as the first card the Fool is supposed to represent all we come into the world as, I wanted to gain understanding of where I stand in my journey. Even at the end of this first cycle, I know it shall repeat evermore until I pass onto whatever may be next because the only true death is to stop learning. As an eternal student of life, until my last breath be aired, I shall learn my lessons well.

If you'd like to read the complete sequence that lead up to this event between Growing into Myself and now, there are three shorter pieces published first with two of which being part of the Alphabet Superset Challenge I will be posting for the next six months on paint cards over on my Instagram.

One of those paint cards will actually be posted the same day this is published (Friday afternoon) even though the poem itself was written earlier than this one.

Sequence:

1. The I That I Knew

2. Alphabet Superset week 1 Letter A: Atmospheric Perspective, Title: Blue Distance

3. Alphabet Superset week 2 Letter B: Best Life Advice from Strangers

This sequence list will be updated with the secret short poems as well written in between if I ever choose to post those so check in from time to time, you may get another piece of this well-travelled Fool's story as a reward for sitting by the fire. (Note: there are five total secret poems, I will mark this post as complete if all are posted)

Without further ado, let me introduce myself:

Hello dear ones, strangers and friends I haven't yet met, I'm Alex. Nary but the simple fool <3

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14/09/23

Long Live the Fool!

A Poetic Oddity Odyssey and Informal Introduction by Alex Adorno

I was born the child with sunny-side-up eyes,

Centric lord of my Great-Grand-Parents Living Room.

Spitfire wilder than any could contain,

Leading armies of children in uprisings against unfair oppressors of naptime,

Unfortunately, in vain.

My heart filled with spirit of adventure, seeking connections,

My mind often wondered: ‘WHY?’

To the world.

So began my journey as the Fool.

My core presented itself early,

A love of stories I’d make up on the fly for siblings,

Bursting out for any who would listen.

A potential brewing, waiting for a moment of explosive awakening,

When I grew out of my crystalline cocoon and could separate myself

From an enchanted world’s sweet embrace.

Structure and authority came next,

I met with defiance at those who would restrict my agency.

If they could not answer my why, I would NOT respond to their request!

I saw no reason the adults should have any more autonomy than I, we’re equals.

Why would I, at six years old, be told to shut up, look pretty

Smile more, no… Stop that glaring!

For god’s sake ALEX SIT STILL, stop climbing that tree!

I didn’t exactly make many friends on the ground,

More came to me when I hung upside-down.

Yet, I was taught to silence myself, so the laughter was still.

My outrage at injustices served stifled,

Jingle-jangling no more, they said.

This is conformity.

To be accepted, to be loved,

I must be quiet on what I believed because where I came from,

All I stood for was wrong.

I cloaked myself in the anonymous shadows of shyness,

A goofy laugh peeking under the hood shedding light to who is underneath.

50/50 chance of rejection from 8yrs old until 16.

On walks the fool, tripping over the path.

I danced the sweet prose of pleasure and pain within romance,

Catering to another’s every whim within conformity the Emperor and Hierophant instilled.

I moved of home out too early, by 17 after an ultimatum from one such lover.

I escaped one restriction straight to another,

Chasing music, beautiful words, and love running from prior hellfire I was placed in.

My true values developed the further I tripped from home,

As I questioned laws I had been given.

Was love abuse, control as I’d been told?

Where would I make my next escape?

At 20, I found a kinder lover, the courage to step away from that which didn’t serve me.

I grew taller, shone with confidence at what I thought was the pinnacle of achievement,

Musical defiance broadcast on airways for the Emperor himself to see if he dared test me.

At 24, the love-story ended after tailspins of confusion of where we even began or why they’d stepped away…

Causing further suffering and disillusionment.

I was called on to find resilience, I’d had every other time.

Where were those optimistic sunny-side-up eyes when I needed them the most?

As hard as this heartache was, I could carry on,

‘Foolish’ as I was, I still believed in love.

Solitude needed to be my friend for an age,

Desperation calling out 'what’s the purpose of my pain?'.

'Where is the Truth?' I was unsure.

Writing my guide for direction, cyclical thoughts racing.

I wrote to myself ‘…why?’,

As always I had, always I would.

My feelings untangled; I opened teary eyes to see curiosity I’d rediscovered.

I began turning outwards to teachers, poets, and strangers with hope, re-entering life’s fray.

The wheel of life keeps turning,

Temporary answers found, a sense of purpose for a moment however small restored.

My momentum intensified,

Not realising my hubris living a destiny made up of others dreams for me,

Nor pain it could yet bring.

Unfortunately, I slipped into my Devil again:

My fear of what the shift could mean how others may see me.

I became unseeing, I wished to disappear in my want for stability and peace,

Alex Anonymous re-appeared.

My desire to carry on towards connection, adventure, curiosity, and compassion.

Overwhelmed in challenges humbling me until I gave up,

All was lost I felt, so I let go.

In that letting go, I opened myself to vulnerability,

Finding comfort and love for who I repressed from my inner self.

In truth, I had fought myself each time I’d run to embrace me before.

I surrendered to my experiences with Grace,

Owning my middle name, at last peace came.

As I swung from my grief,

Released,

Life began to flow from me.

For a flash,

I see life again from upside-down.

Keep It Sunny Silly one,

K.I.S.S of ego death.

I’m given a second chance at life.

Transitions test me,

A stage in my metamorphosis.

I’m getting ready to be hatched.

I learned from my swings unstable,

Emotionally unavailable, to appreciate middle ground.

I centred softness I had for others towards myself,

My wildness grew kind and saw me haloed in harmony.

I know now what I must release.

I had relapsed into loving ignorance and fear,

An addiction I’m quitting, as damn, it’s never bliss.

I won’t cut myself on your edges any longer, dear devil of mine.

The EXPLOSION has come, the volcano is ME!

It’s my choice to rotate the cards I’ve been dealt; Do I choose to fly or fall?

Growth I’d been resistant to,

I’ve created space to claim as mine

I am given a pen to rewrite my story,

Gripping tightly to that hope I am flipping myself back upside-down!

Inverted,

I remind in the rewind, pausing, frame, by, frame

I wasn’t stationary to begin with.

I am not the same as I once was,

And yet I remain.

The end of the tower moment I’m flying into rebirth,

Diving towards my new beginnings,

Afraid yet courageous.

I’m the Starlight embracing calm coming with midnight speculation,

Racing towards the Moon,

Sunlight will beam washes of understanding soon.

I hear my true self beyond this,

Calling me to my day of reckoning where my scales of lessons will be weighed.

For once it isn’t Alex Anonymous, it’s Alex the Catalyst, Alex the ever unchanged is shifting.

I’m rising tall on my own, my journey is on-going.

It’s me, it always has been.

Yes! Long Live the Fool for I have the fucking audacity… to DREAM!

________________

Photo Credit: Joshua Maxwell de Hoog